A poem I wrote as a kid stuck in freeze. Back in 2004. I don't know why, but I'm wondering if any of your inner teenagers/children might relate. Please be gentle! I didn't know anything about Complex PTSD, and was going through some memory boxes, and found this, and am honestly proud of my teenage self for the insight I had in spite of zero psycho-education.
I can't believe
I'm a silent witness to this.
Outside these four walls,
Trying hard not to see, yet
I can't miss
The vision of what's just gone
And what's to come.
The consequences; What I've become.
I can't find
One thing that'll bring my life
Back to normal again
And it seems I'd rather not face
(What I have to face)
What I can't even begin to comprehend.
And all the while
Time is slipping by
I'm locked in a fantasy
I can't start (or stop) to see.
I can't take silence anymore
I can't make sense of things anymore
A fake paradise in my mind
That I can't get out of
Is driving me completely crazy.
Hopes and dreams are all
I have to keep my shallow breathing going on
And when I get out through these
Four walls, I'm so afraid that I'll
Find that they're all gone.
And all the while,
Time is slipping by
I'm locked in a fantasy
A silent witness to this.
Silence surrounding me.
Facts swallowing me.
Turn me around for I have to face
What I can't even begin to comprehend.
Thank you for sharing!